my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
this hospital has no fireball
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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