i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
