the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's blow job season.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
