It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize