summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
