She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's just like the Real World with babies
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
