You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
