I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
