the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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