I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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