My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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