Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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