Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
