did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
