dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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