If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Boobs speak an international language.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
