new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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