It's Friday. Sex?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
