Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
