the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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