ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
