Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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