I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
