I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
