i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Drunk is a universal language darling
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