I'm really into asian looking animals
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
