Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
What a dumb baby whore.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
