Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
