i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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