What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
