Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
