I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
