your parents love me but you hate me
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
