i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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