If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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