I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Less talking, more tequila
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
