The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
