I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So squirting runs in the family.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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