um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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