im gay
i know
yea but for you.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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