Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Two words: blizzard sex
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
