he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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