Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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