why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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