i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
