Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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