yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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