just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
