went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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