i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
