She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
