I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize