guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Randomize
