my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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