i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
