My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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