remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
