I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize