i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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