so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
