...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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