Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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