i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
