Got a toothbrush?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
