Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
