I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we made out on top of his cat.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
