he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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