u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
